RULE: It is important not to wear out the freshness and original taste of a person’s name through overuse
(If your name is Beatrice you will be called BeBe)
The claim is nicknames are created because there are children. Children name themselves or their brothers and sisters by choosing a word they can say. Somehow it is proof you are loved; preserving the slurred half pronounced utterances. This ignores the capriciousness of the parental element. The moment of leaning over the crib, basket, or blanket. The parent’s mouth shaping the nameword.
If you are a boy you will be called Pichon–this is a plant disease. If you are a girl you will be called Peaches–these are fruit. If you are a boy you will be called Papi–this is the Father. If you are a girl you will be called Poulette–this is a chicken. If you are a child you will be called Mama, Poupette, Peanut, Junior, Niecey, or Littleman. These are nonnegotiable.
RULE: Caricature should not be confused with nicknaming.
(If your name is Barbara you will be called Buffie)
If you are five and cannot eat a plate of black-eye peas out of fear - a thousand disembodied eyes staring at you - you will be called the girl who wouldn’t eat her food. This is temporary and meaningless.
If you go to the Mother’s house she will find a name for you. If you go only once or, are a stranger, the name will say what is remembered about you.
(If your name is Kyle you will be called Pookie)
No one liked BigheadWanda. Naming her was a way to remind ourselves of our dislike and to keep it from softening to pity. FatblackKaren was different. At first, it was how we remembered she was not a friend. After a while we realized she was smart and one of us. Then, we said it softer, with respect, but absent-minded; the way we said Fred when we meant casual fuck, or Sharon when we meant living alone.
(If your name is Richard you will be called Butchie)
RULE: Nicknaming is not just a shortening of someone’s name. (If your name is Eldridge you will be called Skipper) Nicknaming requires individual effort and creativity.
If you go to the Mother’s house and are part of the group you will get a nickname. Whim is important. You can have more than one because more than one person is seeing and naming you. The names should be reactive and interactive - the nickname of the nickname.
Sometimes, when a stranger asks the Mother her name and she doesn’t want to tell it she says, “Cathy.” This is not a nickname. This is an alias.
COROLLARIES:
If you tell lies you will be called poet
If you are smug you will be called intellectual
If you love women you will be called dyke
If you love men you will be called fag
If you love power you will be called patriot
If you are Black you will be called nigger
If you come from an island you will be called coconut
If you are light-skinned you will be called redbone
If you are dark-skinned you will be called tarbaby
If you are too smart you will be called white
If I dislike you I will call you trifling
If I disrespect you I will call you ho
If we are friends I will call you girl
If we are friends I will call you boy
If we fight I will call you stupidfuck
If you are unknown I will call you the folks
If you are unknown I will call you whitefolks
If I know you I will call you by your name
If you know me you will know my name
-Dominique Parker
